Immature Entrepreneur

Life is tough. It’s true, no point in denying it. The nature of the human experience is such that we must overcome challenges in order to win at the game of life. Sometimes we’re able to triumph over those challenges fairly easily and other times they knock us flat on our butts (insert Kim Kardashian reference here).

That’s where the potential for negativity comes in. It feels comforting to know that there are others out there who share our pain. It’s good to know you’re not alone (Michael Jackson even wrote a song about it). As the saying goes, “misery loves company.”

The unintended drawback here is that when we complain to others in an attempt to gain a little sympathy, that negativity becomes contagious. Being negative can ruin your day. It can drag others down. It draws more negativity back into your world. And it can even impact your health if left unchecked.

So the next time you’re feeling down in the dumps and life has kicked you square in the nards, try to go a different route in terms of how you respond. Try not complaining. Instead, smile at a stranger. Hold a door open for someone. Give a server a larger than normal tip at lunch. Call an old friend. Go all kinds of positive on that negativity and you’ll stomp it out before it can get it’s hands around your day.

And that’s how you begin to win at the game of life.

Ducks prefer to stay at ground level. They scurry around, quack, quack, quacking all the time. And they tend to follow each other.

Eagles, on the other hand, are beautiful, majestic creatures. They’re independent. And typically you spot them high in the sky, soaring above it all.

Don’t be a duck. Be an eagle.

A lot of people mistake tough love for being mean. That is certainly not what tough love is all about. The best way to describe this effective behavior modification technique (which, by the way, should be used with both children and adults) is “firm but fair.” That is what tough love is all about.

Let’s talk through an example to make sure we’re all on the same page. I regularly see people on Facebook complain. For some odd reason, we like to complain. We complain about everything from our bosses to our spouses to the kids to the dog to the dog’s kids. Whew, that’s a lot of complaining. And the scenario I typically see play out is that several of the complainer’s friends will jump on board the negativity bandwagon adding their complaints, thereby reinforcing the original negativity, even if the person that started complaining in the beginning is in the wrong. It typically goes something like this:

Poster # 1: “OMG I can’t believe this girl said all this crap about me and started all this drama. She can go fly a kite and suck an egg because I don’t care what she thinks.”

1. Friend’s response: “Oh I know, she is such a jerk. I can’t believe people say stuff like that. I wouldn’t talk to her anymore if I were you.”
2. Another friend’s response: “Wow I didn’t realize what an ass she could be. I’m not going to invite her to my party now. You’re my best friend and I’ll stand behind you!”

Notice how everyone is quick to participate in the drama. Negativity begets more negativity. Now a true friend will say what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. A true friend would hit you with some truth, tough love style, such as this:

1. Tough love friend: “Honey, I love you but you’re just feeding to the drama by posting it all publicly. If she’s a jerk, then she’s not worth your time. Just ignore her. Hey, call me when you get a second. Somebody just told me a hilarious joke and you’ve got to hear it.”

See the difference? It’s not about being mean. It’s not about alienating your friend/spouse/child and making them feel lesser. It’s about having a real conversation. Speak the truth. Say what needs to be said. Kick ‘em in the butt then give ‘em a hug. You’ll show that you are a true friend and you will be amazed at how many others will slowly begin to follow your example.

(And that’s how you change the world–one person at a time. It all begins with you.)

I would guess that most of us would be quick to answer with a swift “no” when asked whether we considered ourselves to be materialistic. After all, that’s not a flattering title. But when you stop and think about it, the reality is that most of us are materialistic.

A friend of mine mentioned to me the other day that he had taken on a part time job for the next couple months in order to have enough money to buy Christmas presents. This same friend is, unfortunately, having marital problems. He complains to me regularly about his wife, how she’s never around, how she rarely helps with the kids, and how lately they’re like strangers going in 2 different directions. He remarked that they’ve become more like roommates than husband and wife.

So I put on my invisible tough love gloves and whacked him dead center in the forehead. I pointed out that while she may be partially responsibile, his actions certainly weren’t helping. I challenged him to imagine this scenario: Sit down with your kids and ask them whether they would rather have tons of Christmas presents or whether they would rather have mom and dad get along and stay married. As harsh as that sounds, that is the reality my buddy is facing. He stared at me speechless for several seconds and I could see him seriously contemplating my comments.

We have our priorities backwards in modern society today. Christmas is not about who gets what. Wow, have we allowed ourselves to fall off track. This is a classic case of “ask the right question.” The question isn’t “how am I going to get my kids all the things they want for Christmas” but rather “what can we do as a family to make Christmas time special this year?”

We all need to collectively pull way back with the materialism and re-focus in on what’s important. Don’t spend less time with your loved ones around the holidays. Don’t get caught up in how much you’ve spent on each kid. Relax. Enjoy the holidays. Spend time with your spouse and your children. Watch “A Charlie Brown Christmas” together as a family. That’s what really matters. That is what Christmas is all about. Not stuff.

As I go through the coaching process with my clients, helping them to find their passion, many of them have a desire to break away from corporate America and start their own business. I am a big proponent of following your passion rather than following dollars.  So when we reach the point in the coaching process where we begin to talk specifics about getting out on their own, often times I hear things such as “I’ll start when the first of the year comes.” Or ”let me just wait until I get my next raise at work.” Another excuse I hear regularly is “It would be better if I started after the kids leave for college.” It seems the most common obstacle tends to be “I’ll try it when things settle down a little.” Of all the obstacles we create for ourselves, that last one has to be the most unrealistic. When things settle down a little? Seriously? That time is not coming. We have to juggle work, kids, our health, relationships, family, and so on–”when things settle down” translates to putting your dreams off indefinitely.

The point is this–if you wait for the timing to be perfect, you’ll never start. That time will never come. There will never be a time where the phone stops ringing, your boss tells you to cut back to 30 hours a week, you don’t have to feed the kids and the dog, and so on. That’s life. Life will always happen. We have created a society where everyone is on a constant treadmill running the rat race, chasing that carrot you’ll never reach.

I certainly don’t condone jumping in to anything haphazardly. You need a plan. You need to be smart about it. But you also need to start. Just do it. Take that first step. Don’t wait. As Apollo Creed said to Rocky Balboa, “There is no tomorrow!”

“Many fine things can be done in a day if you don’t always make that day tomorrow.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emmerson

Frequently asked questions I hear posed on the regular (and I cringe every time):

• “Where are all the jobs?”
• “Why won’t he/she change?”
• “Why don’t I ever have enough money?”
• “Why are prescription medications so expensive?”
• “Why can’t I get ahead?”

What these questions reveal are very programmed thinking, thinking within the box that we’re all shoved inside as we grow up being taught conformity in our public school system. A great way to undo your programmed mental conformity is to begin to question things. By that, I don’t mean to simply ask questions but to truly challenge the “why” behind things. The more you seek to deeply understand, the more you’ll begin to see things for what they actually are (good or bad).

Using the examples above, here are some better, more though-provoking questions to ask:

• “Why am I looking for a job as opposed to creating one?”
• “Why did I choose to be in a relationship with someone dysfunctional?” or “What can I change to make things go smoothly?”
• “Why am I working in a job where my income is limited?”
• “Why aren’t I eating healthy and taking quality health supplements to prevent from getting sick?”
• “Why am I following the same path as everyone else and expecting a different result?”

So the next time you’re frustrated, angry or uncertain what to do, be like Jack Handy and give the situation some deep thought. Sometimes it’s just a matter of asking the right question.

At a meeting this morning, I had a colleague complain to me that one of his business networking groups was too much socializing and not enough business. He was very adamant that work is work and should not be fun. “We’re there to work,” he griped, red-faced. His frustration was palpable.

So naturally, I disagreed with him (take that!) and politely challenged his way of thinking. “Why can’t we have both?” I asked with a calming smile on my face. “Why force ourselves into a pre-determined box? Why accept limitations that others create? More to the point, why can’t work be fun? Why does this lie exist in society that tells us work should be hard and serious and stuffy and boring and so on?”

Admittedly, I am not a fan of meetings, particularly in a corporate setting. I think meetings can have value if run properly, but in most cases they tend to be giant black holes that suck your time and productivity away. If you’re attending a business networking event, I would choose one that is both fun and productive. There’s absolutely no reason you can’t have both. And if you’re not having fun at what you do, why in the world are you doing it? (And if you answer “for money,” look out because I’ll flick you dead center in the forehead.) If your group is benefical yet boring, liven it up. Don’t wait for someone else to do it. Have fun! It’s okay. Really. Take the lead and I promise others will follow. (Side note–yesterday at a networking meeting when the microphone was passed to me, I offered to beat box. Seriously. There was about 5 seconds of silence and then everyone cracked up. Take that, convention.)

The point is this–have fun with what you do. Don’t wait for your boss to tell you it’s okay. Life is too short to be so serious. Smile. Laugh. Make every day count and live it like it’s your last.

When coaching people, often times I’ll hear numerous obstacles as to why they can’t be successful. Common reasons I’m given include such things as their kids having commitments to sports or cheerleading, not having enough time because of work, not having enough money, and so on. Many of us have such obligations and challenges and on the surface, it does seem tough. Maybe even impossible.

It’s amazing how so many of the obstacles we perceive that we have are self-inflicted. Conquering them (or falling victim to them) all has to do with your mindset, with the way that you view things. For example, one of my clients had 3 children, each of which participated in an extra-curricular activity after school. He worked 50+ hours a week and his wife did the same. This was just to make ends meet, to make certain there was enough money to pay for everything. As we talked through his situation, some interesting things came to light. First, he was driving a car that he couldn’t afford. This is a self-imposed obstacle. He created this financial burden. Second, he was not actually required to work 50+ hours per week at his job but he did it out of fear. You never want to make decisions out of fear. And finally, each child had both a time and financial commitment to sports that were a choice. I’m not saying to disregard the kidlets, but it’s important that we recognize it for what it is–a choice. Not a requirement, but rather a self-created obstacle.

So here is the advice I gave my client. If you are constantly stressed and constantly broke, obviously what you’re doing is not working. You will need to make some changes. First, get rid of the expensive car. Buy a car you can afford and pay cash. If you have to make payments, you can’t afford it. Who cares about what other people think of your car? Second, put in your required 40 hours a week so you can free up time to start building something for yourself on the side. Visit with your boss and see whether there is someone else that can share the workload. If this doesn’t pan out, that’s all the more reason to get out of there. Let’s look for something you enjoy, related to your passion,  and squeeze it in to your normal workday as opposed to looking for extra hours at the end of the day. And regarding the kids, sit everyone down and have a family meeting. Include them in your plan. Tell them you want to change everyone’s lives so the family can be stress free and spend more time together. Explain that everyone will have to make some sacrifices for a year or two in order to create a better life. Identify the sacrifices you are making and then discuss what they’re willing to do as part of the team.

If you want a change, if you want success, if you want to create your ideal life, you will have to do something different. There will be some sacrifices made. Or, you could just go back to your cubicle working for that guy you can’t stand…until you hit 65…then face the reality of not having enough money to retire…and wonder what you did with your life.

Make a change today. Take action. Do something. What are you willing to sacrifice in order to take your life back?

Let’s be honest–competition can be scary. You may go from being the top dog in your field to suddenly having your throne challenged by a newcomer on the scene. Instinctually you want to take them on and take them out, although hopefully not Rambo style.

As frightening as competition may be, in actuality it’s a good thing. Or at least it can be a good thing. As with everything else, you can spin this into a positive. Competition can be an opportunity.

Let’s talk about a quick example to illustrate the point. Let’s say you’re a freelance makeup artist. You’ve been out rocking the scene, all makeup-y and whatnot. You’re on the fast path to rockstardom when suddenly you start hearing a new artist’s name being spoken of quite highly. You get that funny feeling in the pit of your stomach and a tinge of anxiety sets in. What do you do? What’s the best way to handle this?

Begin by staying positive. All things happen for a reason, whether we’re able to see it at the time or not. If you have a rival artist hot on your heels, step up your game. Find your niche. Be the best YOU that you can be, because no one else can duplicate that. No one else can be you.

If handled properly, competition can bring out the best in you and cause your star to shine even brighter than before.

It’s “normal” to live under a mountain of debt, living in a house you can’t afford and driving a car beyond your means to impress people (that you don’t know and don’t care about). It’s “normal” to assume that both parents have to work and that your kids have to be raised by strangers in daycare. It’s “normal” to work 40 or 50 or 60 hours a week at a job that you hate.

Why are all of these not-so-good things considered normal? Pause and reflect on that for a moment. Here’s why: the ONLY reason these things are considered normal is because everyone else is doing them. That, by itself, does not make these things normal. And it certainly doesn’t make them good.

If the world were created today, we wouldn’t all get in cars and commute to our jobs. No, most of us would work from home since we’re all connected now courtesy of the internet. We wouldn’t eat foods sprayed with pesticides and shipped in from thousands of miles away. Rather, each of us would grow a certain portion of our food in our own backyards. We wouldn’t teach outdated and antiquated concepts in our public schools. Instead, we would teach useful things such as how to manage money, leadership skills, and most importantly, entrepreneurship.

In many cases, normal is not something to strive for. A desire to be normal is nothing more than a desire to be like everyone else. So unless you want to be broke and stuck in a job you loathe, don’t aim for normal. Strive to be different. Be you.